A Case Summary: Overactive Libido
G. a recently married (for 7 months) young woman, approached my Online Counseling service since she was having issues dealing with her partner's constant desire for intimate companionship as well as his personal insecurities.
During our introductory session G. informed me that "He constantly badgers me about sex; we are intimate at least twice a week but it's not enough for him. He constantly sends me emails at work about wanting to see me naked or wanting to be intimate with me… when we're at home alone it's all he talks about." "It's gotten to the point where he can't even hug me without touching me in a sexual way and when I try to talk to him about it he takes it as rejection and just seems to shut down.
A different, very scary but related issue was then added: G told me that recently his adopted daughter had accused him of doing some 'horrible things' to her as a child. She was bothered and reflected that it definitely had affected their intimate relationship.
G. became very insecure and that was the underlying reason behind turning to seek a professional opinion: "I'm starting to wonder if what his daughter said is true…"
I started off by advising G. that a strong libido and continuous urge for frequent sex with a spouse does not necessarily indicate pathology or any other 'abnormal misbehavior'. Nevertheless, it clearly does create a lot of tension if the spouse's 'Tempos' are at different levels. Marriage Counseling therefore was called for, accompanied with individual sessions about personal and sexual issues. There was no "Quick Fix" type of a response for her since her issue involved both different value systems regarding affection and intimacy as well as unclear accusations regarding the past.
As a professional I could not comment on the adopted daughter's accusations, since there were no supportive information that I had an access to. Nevertheless, I did put my expertise to work there, informing her to be aware that things like that do happen, regardless of the male's intense sexual desire for his adult partner.
The Online Marriage Counseling process started to be effective in this case once we touched the issues that were causing the anxiety in their relationship: lack of proper communication, prior misinformed 'stories' about men and general inhibition regarding sexuality.