Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Small Business Advice About Leadership As A Job Stress Preventive Measure

I am a new asst. manager of a restaurant, and its not going very well. I assume I need what you call A Small Business Advice.

I have a staff of either very young girls or older women and I can't seem to find middle ground. The young girls like to laugh and have fun; the older women are very uptight. I need to get the older women to understand that I am in charge.

Please help me relay respect for me from the older women and to the younger ones to respect
their jobs.

My Answer:
First, please be assured that the main problem is not yours, but your manager’s.

You may take to her the following as a Small Business Advice that would motivate to do her job somewhat better:
1. Arrange a very detailed set of missions and assign who is responsible for each (could be a team). Specify levels of standards (quality) and ways of measuring the work / results. This is the MBO (Management By objectives) method. It does take some good hours!

2. Use the team approach in order to further refine the various chores. Let the staff be a partner of the plan. Support them in their input.

3. Build your own team, using well prepared weekly meetings (30-45 minutes).

Approach the business’ owner for a reasonable budget, regarding professional assistance in the above process. A real Small Business Advice requires time! Whatever I just specified sounds easy, but you ought to use a professional.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Individual or Couple's Face To Face / Online Counseling?

In most cases of marriage problems I strongly advise both partners to join a couple's therapy process; either face to face, or via the Online Cou But there are always exceptions...

It all started with the following question:
My husband and I have been a couple for 10 years and married 6. We separated last month due to his affection for another woman.

We had twins 10 weeks premature; our son only lived 7 hours. Our daughter remained in "intensive care" for a month. During that time I never really grieved the loss of my son; I barely even cried. My time was spent making sure that our two older daughters were okay while I made daily trips to the hospital.
When our daughter came home we kept her in our bedroom until she was a year old. I was very over protective. On the home front I was not talking or spending much time with my husband I thought everything would be ok.

It wasn’t. He sought the affection and attention from another woman.
I still love my husband and he says he will always have feelings for me but just doesn't know that we will work. Do you see any hope? Do we need a face to face process or can get the help using Online Counseling?

My Reply:
The loss of your child is indeed a terrible tragedy.
After such an unfortunate loss the "after shock" events that negatively affect a relationship
are natural.

In your particular life situation however, it is safe to assume that there were other disturbing factors already present, prior to your recent pregnancy.

At this point my advice is to seek individual counseling before making a serious effort to
contact your husband. Online Counseling is the preffered method since it would be easyer to keep with (and less expensive). I assume that your emotional state needs comforting prior to any further steps. Focus first on your personal, and emotional strengths.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Break Up Is Hearting; Effective Online Counseling May Be The Learning Opportunity

I dated my girlfriend for almost 6 months.
One day, she told me she wanted a break. I a waited a few days, and then called her. She replied by saying 'I don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me, and that’s not fair to you.' I waited about a month and asked if there was anything I could have done differently. She said 'no, there was nothing you could have done; I just didn’t feel the same way'.

This was a weird breakup for me. 2 weeks before it ended, she was telling me she had all these feelings for me. Why would she tell me that, and then end it 2 weeks later?

I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused. Is there a reason for that?

I’m not sure if these 2 things had an effect: first, I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her, even though I did. Also, I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet (I met hers).

Maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her? I had asked her to move in with me, and she only said 'maybe'.
We are both 25.

Do you see anything here which tells you anything? I Assume I need some professional help; can your Online Counseling be effective in my situation?

My reply:
I’ll start with general remarks about dating and relationship building, and thereafter will give you some specific feedback impressions; and yes, Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.

Generally speaking, the one sided love situation is indeed possible, due to many reasons; personality differences, lack of sexual harmony, different status and background are just a few. Therefore you should not take whatever happened to you as result of you being late (maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her?).

Also, just persuasion is not going to create love since this human phenomena is not a rational entity, so do not get discouraged due to your lack of success (I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused).

And the specific feedback:
1. be more emotionally open (I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her),
2. be reciprocal (I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet),
3. learn how to ‘read’ social interactions and others’ feelings (this was a weird breakup for me).

The above three remarks take me to my recommendation: spend some time, emotional resources and even financial ones to get professional guidance in order to better prepare yourself for the coming relationship(s). Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.