Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Relationship Advice May Prevent Marriage Counseling

Yes, some Relationship Advice may prevent Marriage Counseling!

Currently 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. Celebrations of twenty-five or more anniversaries are becoming rare.

Marriage Counseling and professional relationship advice could and would decrease this trend. It is a very real preventative and ongoing choice for a healthy union continuation. Think of it in terms of gardening or vehicle and house maintenance. As we change our parenting techniques with the growth and development of our children so is our relationship growing which also demands our attention to changes and needs. A relationship advice from a friend or clergy have always been in this area however many couples may need the specialized talents of a “Marriage Counselor” to provide for the appropriate relationship advice.

Intimacy versus independence: It is common to adopt declarations regarding the empowerment of the self and individual creativeness. Similar declarations are needed in my opinion regarding the empowerment of true intimacy. More often I find the lack of shared intimacy among couples who use these terms. It has been my observation that in many cases partners with conflict have had deep difficulty to trust each other. This conflict developed either to protect their autonomy or strengthen it. Sadly enough, many of the couples I have met never had a chance to inherit intimacy and heart to heart communication patterns from their parents. Intimacy therefore is a priority on my agenda for the couples’ marriage counseling and relationship advice.

Sexuality: I often check how quickly my clients are willing to examine their sexuality patterns. Sexual communication is complicated and difficult. We knew at the start of our relationship how to keep our sexuality alive with intrusions of work or family obligations. In time, couples develop the tendency to overlook this issue. Related to sexuality is the issue of romance. The effort to ‘fall in love again’, should be considered as a life long term mortgage. A good marriage counseling program will use ‘mechanical building blocks’ in order to keep the romantic spirit alive.

Styles of Communication: Every couple faces situations that are identical to any business team: who does what, why, and when: to purchase, to expand (children?) or not, and so on. Executive roles are part of marriage life, so communication and decision making skills must be analyzed, re-shaped and smartly shared.

Fighting resistance: People love the comfort zone of stability and resist change, even if their circumstance is gloomy. My marriage counseling process always includes some tactics to overcome objections and rejection of new modalities: mirroring and feedback regarding withdrawal from conflict, rules to avoid the tendency to escalate conflict during disagreements in our sessions and rules to avoid sabotaging our progress by provocative acts and attitudes by either partner, in- between our sessions.

Dr. Joseph Abraham, Director, Center for Human Growth and Business Insights, Mechanicsburg, PA Tel 717-943.0959 Online Psychologist and Life Coach: Marriage Counseling, Relationship Advice and Management Consulting. Online Counseling and Small Business Advice


Mark said...

Well thought! Really good advice.. Just be yourself is the main thing actually. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, I’m sure she'll wanna help you if she cares about you a lot.

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