Infidelity is one of the most heart-wrenching problems a marriage can face because it shakes the base of trust on which relationships are built. However, it is not inevitable that all couples divorce after such an event. It is natural that couples have a hard time to re-connect and re-build trust that they lost as a result of one partner’s infidelity. Working together with a relationship advice counselor, many couples find the power they need to heal and move forward in their marriage.
The act of ‘cheating’ may take many forms, and each couple has their own definition of when the line is crossed. One on end of the spectrum, some partners consider flirtatious behavior or looking at pornography as stepping outside the bounds of their marriage. Others consider an emotional connection with another person to be damaging to the marriage. Most everyone would agree that an attraction to another person leading to sexual relations constitutes infidelity. The bottom line, however, in all these situations is that one partner engages in secret behavior that compels them to lie and be deceptive.
A relationship advice counselor can help bridge that gaping hole in trust and communication caused by the affair. While the offended partner needs to express their feelings of insecurity and hurt, often a counselor will move quickly through the details of the infidelity. Dwelling too long on the details will only instill an increased sense of blame and continued resentment. Instead, couples seeking help as a result of one partner breaching trust need to look forward and learn how to re-connect.
Re-building trust is not easy, but a god relationship expert can guide a hurting couple through the process. Each partner will need to learn how to express emotions in a manner that is both healthy and constructive. A counselor may suggest some ground rules that couples can use for communicating during intense emotional times.
These rules may include:
Discuss only one problem at a time. While it might seem that all your problems are inter-connected, don’t let the conversation escalate by tackling them all at once.
Own your perspective. Avoid getting caught in a blame game by starting your sentences with the phrase, “I feel.”
Be specific. Move the conversation forward by avoiding over-generalizations like “always” and “never.” Give concrete examples instead of vague complaints to show your perspective.
Take a time out. If the conversation gets too intense and you are having trouble staying in control of your reactions, it’s OK to take a break. Just tell your partner that you need a moment to walk around and compose yourself.
A relationship advice expert acts as a neutral party and can help both marriage partners feel safe in expressing themselves without needing to employ ‘power plays’ or using anger to have their perspective heard. The counseling environment promotes open communication and problem solving that can help re-build a sense of emotional intimacy between marital partners. When a couple can re-connect emotionally, with the help of a good coach, they are one step closer to regaining their physical connection.
Dr. Joseph Abraham, Director, Center for Human Growth and Business Insights, Mechanicsburg, PA. Tel 717-943.0959 Online Psychologist and Life Coach: Marriage Counseling, Relationship Advice and Management Consulting. Online Counseling and Small Business Advice
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