The Problem:
I just started a new job; in sharing a training class I exchanged phone numbers with two male classmates.
When they called, my husband became furious and very angry. Later he went through the phone bill and found out I called them. He said I was a liar and he couldn't trust me anymore.
My Reply:
It is easy to assess, even via short Online Counseling process, that your situation is not easy: you are married to whom you love, but you have realized that he is loaded with an 18th century attitude regarding women and a wife’s behavior in particular.
So be your own psychologist and do the assessment:
If your feeling is that this is insecurity due to an inferiority masculinity issue, use assurance, love and tenderness to work it out.
If you feel it is the old fashion male dominance and jealousy, use your senses and walk out; and the sooner the better.
Your current training activities and future career would not and should not accommodate such an attitude. You also do not want your possible children in the future to treat you and others in this manner. If you plan to leave the marriage, short term Online Counseling would definitely be helpful.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Son Without a Father? Even Online Counseling Cannot Provide A Quick Fix
Question:
My son is now 4 years old and he has never questioned: Do I have a dad? Where is my dad?
The other day I heard him tell a friend that he didn't have a brother or a dad. My son’s father last saw him when he was 6 months old.
My heart broke. I didn't know what to say. Two days later I told him that even though he doesn't have a dad he has a mom who loves him and a granny and papa and cousins, aunts and uncles.
What should I tell him? Can a short Online Counseling help here?
My Reply:
Children should get accurate info only and based on their level of emotional and cognitive development. Examples could be helpful, and you may get them from time to time via the Online Counseling service. Furtheremore, wonderments with questions are always evolving and changing, so it is better to have an on-going relationship with a professional, in order to help find the proper communication that bests serve you, your child and the entire family members.
Good professional advice is based on family history, your son’s developmental stage, his options regarding future communication with his father and other psychological and procedural factors. These factors must be taken in account along the Online Counseling process.
My son is now 4 years old and he has never questioned: Do I have a dad? Where is my dad?
The other day I heard him tell a friend that he didn't have a brother or a dad. My son’s father last saw him when he was 6 months old.
My heart broke. I didn't know what to say. Two days later I told him that even though he doesn't have a dad he has a mom who loves him and a granny and papa and cousins, aunts and uncles.
What should I tell him? Can a short Online Counseling help here?
My Reply:
Children should get accurate info only and based on their level of emotional and cognitive development. Examples could be helpful, and you may get them from time to time via the Online Counseling service. Furtheremore, wonderments with questions are always evolving and changing, so it is better to have an on-going relationship with a professional, in order to help find the proper communication that bests serve you, your child and the entire family members.
Good professional advice is based on family history, your son’s developmental stage, his options regarding future communication with his father and other psychological and procedural factors. These factors must be taken in account along the Online Counseling process.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Small Business Advice About Leadership As A Job Stress Preventive Measure
Question:
I am a new asst. manager of a restaurant, and its not going very well. I assume I need what you call A Small Business Advice.
I have a staff of either very young girls or older women and I can't seem to find middle ground. The young girls like to laugh and have fun; the older women are very uptight. I need to get the older women to understand that I am in charge.
Please help me relay respect for me from the older women and to the younger ones to respect
their jobs.
My Answer:
First, please be assured that the main problem is not yours, but your manager’s.
You may take to her the following as a Small Business Advice that would motivate to do her job somewhat better:
1. Arrange a very detailed set of missions and assign who is responsible for each (could be a team). Specify levels of standards (quality) and ways of measuring the work / results. This is the MBO (Management By objectives) method. It does take some good hours!
2. Use the team approach in order to further refine the various chores. Let the staff be a partner of the plan. Support them in their input.
3. Build your own team, using well prepared weekly meetings (30-45 minutes).
Approach the business’ owner for a reasonable budget, regarding professional assistance in the above process. A real Small Business Advice requires time! Whatever I just specified sounds easy, but you ought to use a professional.
I am a new asst. manager of a restaurant, and its not going very well. I assume I need what you call A Small Business Advice.
I have a staff of either very young girls or older women and I can't seem to find middle ground. The young girls like to laugh and have fun; the older women are very uptight. I need to get the older women to understand that I am in charge.
Please help me relay respect for me from the older women and to the younger ones to respect
their jobs.
My Answer:
First, please be assured that the main problem is not yours, but your manager’s.
You may take to her the following as a Small Business Advice that would motivate to do her job somewhat better:
1. Arrange a very detailed set of missions and assign who is responsible for each (could be a team). Specify levels of standards (quality) and ways of measuring the work / results. This is the MBO (Management By objectives) method. It does take some good hours!
2. Use the team approach in order to further refine the various chores. Let the staff be a partner of the plan. Support them in their input.
3. Build your own team, using well prepared weekly meetings (30-45 minutes).
Approach the business’ owner for a reasonable budget, regarding professional assistance in the above process. A real Small Business Advice requires time! Whatever I just specified sounds easy, but you ought to use a professional.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Individual or Couple's Face To Face / Online Counseling?
In most cases of marriage problems I strongly advise both partners to join a couple's therapy process; either face to face, or via the Online Cou But there are always exceptions...
It all started with the following question:
My husband and I have been a couple for 10 years and married 6. We separated last month due to his affection for another woman.
We had twins 10 weeks premature; our son only lived 7 hours. Our daughter remained in "intensive care" for a month. During that time I never really grieved the loss of my son; I barely even cried. My time was spent making sure that our two older daughters were okay while I made daily trips to the hospital.
When our daughter came home we kept her in our bedroom until she was a year old. I was very over protective. On the home front I was not talking or spending much time with my husband I thought everything would be ok.
It wasn’t. He sought the affection and attention from another woman.
I still love my husband and he says he will always have feelings for me but just doesn't know that we will work. Do you see any hope? Do we need a face to face process or can get the help using Online Counseling?
My Reply:
The loss of your child is indeed a terrible tragedy.
After such an unfortunate loss the "after shock" events that negatively affect a relationship
are natural.
In your particular life situation however, it is safe to assume that there were other disturbing factors already present, prior to your recent pregnancy.
At this point my advice is to seek individual counseling before making a serious effort to
contact your husband. Online Counseling is the preffered method since it would be easyer to keep with (and less expensive). I assume that your emotional state needs comforting prior to any further steps. Focus first on your personal, and emotional strengths.
It all started with the following question:
My husband and I have been a couple for 10 years and married 6. We separated last month due to his affection for another woman.
We had twins 10 weeks premature; our son only lived 7 hours. Our daughter remained in "intensive care" for a month. During that time I never really grieved the loss of my son; I barely even cried. My time was spent making sure that our two older daughters were okay while I made daily trips to the hospital.
When our daughter came home we kept her in our bedroom until she was a year old. I was very over protective. On the home front I was not talking or spending much time with my husband I thought everything would be ok.
It wasn’t. He sought the affection and attention from another woman.
I still love my husband and he says he will always have feelings for me but just doesn't know that we will work. Do you see any hope? Do we need a face to face process or can get the help using Online Counseling?
My Reply:
The loss of your child is indeed a terrible tragedy.
After such an unfortunate loss the "after shock" events that negatively affect a relationship
are natural.
In your particular life situation however, it is safe to assume that there were other disturbing factors already present, prior to your recent pregnancy.
At this point my advice is to seek individual counseling before making a serious effort to
contact your husband. Online Counseling is the preffered method since it would be easyer to keep with (and less expensive). I assume that your emotional state needs comforting prior to any further steps. Focus first on your personal, and emotional strengths.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Break Up Is Hearting; Effective Online Counseling May Be The Learning Opportunity
Question:
I dated my girlfriend for almost 6 months.
One day, she told me she wanted a break. I a waited a few days, and then called her. She replied by saying 'I don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me, and that’s not fair to you.' I waited about a month and asked if there was anything I could have done differently. She said 'no, there was nothing you could have done; I just didn’t feel the same way'.
This was a weird breakup for me. 2 weeks before it ended, she was telling me she had all these feelings for me. Why would she tell me that, and then end it 2 weeks later?
I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused. Is there a reason for that?
I’m not sure if these 2 things had an effect: first, I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her, even though I did. Also, I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet (I met hers).
Maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her? I had asked her to move in with me, and she only said 'maybe'.
We are both 25.
Do you see anything here which tells you anything? I Assume I need some professional help; can your Online Counseling be effective in my situation?
My reply:
I’ll start with general remarks about dating and relationship building, and thereafter will give you some specific feedback impressions; and yes, Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.
Generally speaking, the one sided love situation is indeed possible, due to many reasons; personality differences, lack of sexual harmony, different status and background are just a few. Therefore you should not take whatever happened to you as result of you being late (maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her?).
Also, just persuasion is not going to create love since this human phenomena is not a rational entity, so do not get discouraged due to your lack of success (I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused).
And the specific feedback:
1. be more emotionally open (I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her),
2. be reciprocal (I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet),
3. learn how to ‘read’ social interactions and others’ feelings (this was a weird breakup for me).
The above three remarks take me to my recommendation: spend some time, emotional resources and even financial ones to get professional guidance in order to better prepare yourself for the coming relationship(s). Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.
I dated my girlfriend for almost 6 months.
One day, she told me she wanted a break. I a waited a few days, and then called her. She replied by saying 'I don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me, and that’s not fair to you.' I waited about a month and asked if there was anything I could have done differently. She said 'no, there was nothing you could have done; I just didn’t feel the same way'.
This was a weird breakup for me. 2 weeks before it ended, she was telling me she had all these feelings for me. Why would she tell me that, and then end it 2 weeks later?
I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused. Is there a reason for that?
I’m not sure if these 2 things had an effect: first, I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her, even though I did. Also, I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet (I met hers).
Maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her? I had asked her to move in with me, and she only said 'maybe'.
We are both 25.
Do you see anything here which tells you anything? I Assume I need some professional help; can your Online Counseling be effective in my situation?
My reply:
I’ll start with general remarks about dating and relationship building, and thereafter will give you some specific feedback impressions; and yes, Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.
Generally speaking, the one sided love situation is indeed possible, due to many reasons; personality differences, lack of sexual harmony, different status and background are just a few. Therefore you should not take whatever happened to you as result of you being late (maybe I wasn’t moving fast enough for her?).
Also, just persuasion is not going to create love since this human phenomena is not a rational entity, so do not get discouraged due to your lack of success (I tried so hard to talk to her after she ended it, but she refused).
And the specific feedback:
1. be more emotionally open (I still hadn’t told her yet that I loved her),
2. be reciprocal (I still hadn’t invited her to meet my family yet),
3. learn how to ‘read’ social interactions and others’ feelings (this was a weird breakup for me).
The above three remarks take me to my recommendation: spend some time, emotional resources and even financial ones to get professional guidance in order to better prepare yourself for the coming relationship(s). Online Counseling can be very effective in your situation.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
A Quick Online Counseling Fix A Risky Visitation Situation
The question:
I have a 6 year old child that has no problems what so ever until this last week. She visited her father for the week (he sees her every other weekend).
She was injured there; her fathers girlfriend’s son gave her a black eye (accident or not? I do not know). I have noticed burses on her leg; she told me Papa did it with the belt.
She does tell me that she doesn't like going over there; I know that most of the time on his weekends she is at his parents house, who make her sleep on the floor, because the bed they have for her is a baby bed.
Now she cries when I drop her off at school (I have never had problems with separation anxiety before). Can I get a quick fix of the situaton? Does the Online Counseling method fit here?
My Answer:
Yes, You do not need a face to face meeting, since Online Counceling is strong enough to provide the right support for the situation. The best is to have a 'good talk' with the father. Risky visitation must be immediately stopped.
If this Online Counseling process is not satisfactory, you may ask the social services or the court to intervene in order to provide a supervised visitation arrangement or to authorize some other major changes for the visitation process.
An improved mode of the personal Online Counseling is to come to an agreement with the father to use me or another professional as a formal agreed upon mediator.
I have a 6 year old child that has no problems what so ever until this last week. She visited her father for the week (he sees her every other weekend).
She was injured there; her fathers girlfriend’s son gave her a black eye (accident or not? I do not know). I have noticed burses on her leg; she told me Papa did it with the belt.
She does tell me that she doesn't like going over there; I know that most of the time on his weekends she is at his parents house, who make her sleep on the floor, because the bed they have for her is a baby bed.
Now she cries when I drop her off at school (I have never had problems with separation anxiety before). Can I get a quick fix of the situaton? Does the Online Counseling method fit here?
My Answer:
Yes, You do not need a face to face meeting, since Online Counceling is strong enough to provide the right support for the situation. The best is to have a 'good talk' with the father. Risky visitation must be immediately stopped.
If this Online Counseling process is not satisfactory, you may ask the social services or the court to intervene in order to provide a supervised visitation arrangement or to authorize some other major changes for the visitation process.
An improved mode of the personal Online Counseling is to come to an agreement with the father to use me or another professional as a formal agreed upon mediator.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Marriage and Drinking: What Online Counseling Can Do?
The question:
My husband and I aren't getting along. I'm mad cause I think he drinks too much and is not prioritizing his responsibilities and leaves everything little thing for me to "worry" about and then when I mention it to him, I'm so frusterated by that time it comes out wrong and the whole thing blows up in to something it shouldn't have.
...He recently had to do treatment because of a dwi...
...He's not violent or a sloppy drunk or anything, but it's just that "addiction" and that he just drinks and drinks...
...I want to enjoy ONE in the evening. I have to hide my pain pills from him too or else he eats them like candy..
...We have not spoke in days cause I went off on him about drinking too much... Do I need Therapy? Do we both need it? Can your Online Counseling method work for us?
My reply:
Drinking is a problem that has many explanations, theories and treatment approaches.
Mine is that everything relates to relationship: either to yourself, or to your significant other(s). This is the underlying basic foundation that elicits the strong attachment to the substance material that becomes the substitute friend. And therefore you would not have too much of a success chance if you use anger to confront the drinker.
You both need a professional help here, since the 'relationship issues' are very complex and not too simple to solve. And 'Yes' - Online Counseling can be the process that you would and should use.
The secondary problem is the addiction. That is why your wish to enjoy (only) ONE in the evening is not realistic and probably counter productive.
Addictions, habits and behavioral patterns are also complex issues to deal with and therefore your chance to succeed without a professional help is not high. Needless to say - Online Counseling can be the process that you would and should use.
My husband and I aren't getting along. I'm mad cause I think he drinks too much and is not prioritizing his responsibilities and leaves everything little thing for me to "worry" about and then when I mention it to him, I'm so frusterated by that time it comes out wrong and the whole thing blows up in to something it shouldn't have.
...He recently had to do treatment because of a dwi...
...He's not violent or a sloppy drunk or anything, but it's just that "addiction" and that he just drinks and drinks...
...I want to enjoy ONE in the evening. I have to hide my pain pills from him too or else he eats them like candy..
...We have not spoke in days cause I went off on him about drinking too much... Do I need Therapy? Do we both need it? Can your Online Counseling method work for us?
My reply:
Drinking is a problem that has many explanations, theories and treatment approaches.
Mine is that everything relates to relationship: either to yourself, or to your significant other(s). This is the underlying basic foundation that elicits the strong attachment to the substance material that becomes the substitute friend. And therefore you would not have too much of a success chance if you use anger to confront the drinker.
You both need a professional help here, since the 'relationship issues' are very complex and not too simple to solve. And 'Yes' - Online Counseling can be the process that you would and should use.
The secondary problem is the addiction. That is why your wish to enjoy (only) ONE in the evening is not realistic and probably counter productive.
Addictions, habits and behavioral patterns are also complex issues to deal with and therefore your chance to succeed without a professional help is not high. Needless to say - Online Counseling can be the process that you would and should use.
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